


Who Says Mayonnaise Can Rotten Your Mind?! (This Work is a Living Proof of It, Idiot!)

by Cerulean_Gaze



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Forgive Me, Gekijouban Gintama Kanketsu-hen: Yorozuya yo Eien Nare | Be Forever Yorozuya, Gen, Hijikata-centric Discussion, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probably a dumpsite of my what-ifs because I don't have friends to discuss shits with, What Was I Thinking?, What-If, Writer's Thoughts, and fleeting plot bunnies that i can't write to myself so, and maybe shinsengumi too, because im still contemplating about this work being my thoughts dumpsite, but i assure you that it's mostly either hijikata or hijigin, with gintoki of course, yes probably focused with hijikata because i love this man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_Gaze/pseuds/Cerulean_Gaze
Summary: { Notice: Not a fic, but only a discussion field or rather, a dumpsite of my shits }Collection of the writer's what-ifs, headcanons, thoughts, and other shits related to Gintama because it's the only series that gives them life.{ Edit: Might also contain short prompts, very short plot ideas, and very very short seriousness. }
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou & Kondou Isao & Okita Sougo, Hijikata Toshirou & Sakata Gintoki, Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	1. EH?! WAIT A MINUTE, TOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!??—

_First of all, anyone in Gintama screaming 'Toshi' gives me life._

And second, you reading this thing gives me life and embarrassment of what I am literally doing with my life.

I don't even know why I decided to make this shit, but hey. I'd really love to have discussions with other fellas around here because y'all look precious to me. You might also wonder why I'm doing it in here instead of doing it in other platforms— but I tell you what.

This is the only platform I could afford for now. It's a pain in the ass to handle other platforms other than FB and emails. FB doesn't even give a fuck to my shits so I'd rather be unprofessional only to this work and not to my other works. _So please don't take me seriously in this field because I'm being rampant of my stupid thoughts in here._

So yeah.

The only thing that runs in my mind right now is Kondo-san screaming _'Toshi?!???' _and it makes me breathe harder than I do to live. Why don't you listen to their glorious voices screaming my man's name for now, anyways.

[TOSHIIIII?!???](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBu4re1QC18)


	2. How About You Make Use of Your Voice, Goddamnit!!

_Okay, here me out: _ ** _Kazuya Nakai isn't confident of his singing voice._ **

I'm seriously crying remembering it. _(i remember it years ago when i was looking for his other songs— tell me if im wrong, tho— i dont trust my memories that much)_

Like— dude, you have this _sexy-ass voice_ that rasps like goddamn deep oceans that almost make me choke every time I hear Hijikata screams _'[LET'S PARTY'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxCr6svK_ZY)_ all over my head— like _dude_. Can we just give a little second of glorifying my man's voice actor. 

_And I just literally can't handle it whenever he speaks in English— MMMMMM— [FUCKING DATE MASAMUNE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB9LnLQfWtE) I CANNOT UNHEAR—_

> _headcanon: hijikata looking good as a foreigner in his latest merchs and just imagine him speaking in english at gintoki— i could probably die wheezing my lungs in seeing gintoki bleeding so much from the amount of the englishing shit—_


	3. A GIVEN SOUL SOUNDS MORE ANGST THAN IT SUPPOSED TO BE!!

oh boy, you know this "Given" anime?

four gays in a band, constipated with their feelings. yeah?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO CHECK UENOYAMA OUT—

these gays just exactly look like each other and i kid you not— im literally wheezing every time ue does his chaotic gay shits because i cannot unsee hijikata being the same chaotic gay shit as well.

>straight-man acts on the point (even though they're gay)

>short-tempered™

>out of space thoughts and rants™

>overreacting bitches

>aint they too delusional, tho

>TOO MUCH SELF DIALOGUE

>SCREAMS ON TOP OF THEIR LUNGS™

just imagine both of them meeting each other.

somebody should do this shit and im sure that my wig and heart will fly so far up to the outer space.

watch given, too. their animation is so beautiful and their songs are superb. hands down, their emotional struggles are also beautiful and words arent enough to explain how much feels given gave to me.

* * *

_adds-on: how would uenoyama react when hijikata offered him his 'hijikata special' bowl?_

> _ue: "... why is there so many mayonnaise in here?!"_
> 
> _hiji: "don't fuck with me, it's still not enough for you to discover the glory of mayonnaise."_
> 
> _ue: "BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH MAYONNAISE TO EAT! IS THIS EVEN HUMANE TO TAKE IN?!"_
> 
> _hiji: "OF COURSE, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU LOVE!"_
> 
> _ue: "YOU CALL THIS NORMAL?! THIS IS WAY FAR BEING NORMAL!"_
> 
> _hiji: "how about you eat the goddamn food before complaining, can 'ya?"_
> 
> _ue:_
> 
> _ue: "... you're serious with this, aren't 'ya?"_
> 
> _hiji: "yes"_
> 
> _ue:_
> 
> _ue: "EEHH?!"_


	4. Everyone has their own 𝐿𝑒𝓉'𝓈 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓎 in their heads //insert sexy voice

sometimes, rewatching random arcs of gintama often gives you a lot of easter bunnies to turn into plot bunnies— and that's why i keep watching them for the sake of motivation, lmao.

but that thing aside, hear me out.

_EVEN KYOSHIRO-SAN FIND HIJIKATA NICEEEEE— _(//endme)

i can't stop laughing how kyoshiro blatantly stated that he didn't mention gintoki as a particular attractive guy while he even sashayed his way close to hijikata and sougo just to say that _"this will do!"_ like— MMMMMMMMM— i'm overreading this shit, aint i.

_aND HIJIKATA AND GINTOKI— THOSE IDIOTS ARE FIGHTING OVER WHO LOOKS WORSE FROM EACH OTHER— SKSKSKSKS_

they are too smitten degrading each other's looks but how come they didn't defend their own looks— (but nvm hijikata, we all know he's a tsundere)

just imagine how hijikata and gintoki would react if they ended up crashing their banters to kyoshiro by choosing one of them who looks better. this might even sound like another arc of _'what if we decide that with our customers? theonewithmorecustomersisprobablylooksbetter'_ cliche stuffs. ngl, that still looks better since gintama twist cliches into better one.


	5. — As When the Two Demons Crossed Paths.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a serious headcanon; based on the 'Be Forever Yorozuya'— so yeah, spoilers if you still haven't seen that golden movie.

_Two demons faced each other— one of the Past and one of the Future._

_Who knows that a demon could have its demon? Behind the menacing mask of a raven crow covers the Past of the Future— in which the Future used to run away from his nightmares. _

_It was such an irony that it still terrifies Gintoki— a demon of the Future itself— being haunted by his Past that stood in front of him amid Earth's past remnants._

_Behind the menacing mask lies a smile that once bestowed a hope to his young self— now being bestowed of dreaded hope and regret._

_"... So you did turn as a demon yourself, Gintoki," Shouyou softly whispered upon the cracks of his slashed mask, wearing his usual smile with contempt searing from his eyes._

_All Gintoki could do is to stare— to watch for his old memories to be ruined into darkness as what his present fell into._

* * *

i don't even know if i could call this a nightmare because i literally woke up with this headcanon popping the shit out of my head.

please cry with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s: 
> 
> shameless plug of my work "Don't Leave the Film Strip Burn Under the Smoldering Light.' series. it's also based on the 'Be Forever Yorozuya' because that movie never failed to make me cry.


	6. Never Forget to Update your Antivirus, too

YO, LOOK WHO'S REWATCHING THIS SERIES AGAIN

BUT I'M JUST ACTUALLY HERE TO TAKE DOWN MY IDEAS THAT MIGHT END UP FORGOTTEN AT ALL

LIKE, OKAY, NOT REALLY AN IDEA, BUT CAN WE ALL STOP FOR A WHILE AND REMEMBER THIS BOY?

YES, LOOK AT THIS LOVELY MAN

IT'D BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE FORGOT THIS PRECIOUS BOY

LIKE, JUST LOOK AT THAT. I REALLY LOVE THIS KING AND I'M SO MAD HOW OTHER PEOPLE WERE SLEEPING ON THIS MAN. THERE WERE EVEN ONLY LIKE 3-4 FICS WITH HIM ON IT??? AND I??? 

okay, maybe i'll add a bit more with those works when i had my motivation back but

yeah, i'll soon pick up my drafts since i have one with him and tama (and everyone needs to know how much they were made for each other)

MAN, HOW MUCH I MISS THIS MAN. I REALLY LOVE HOW SWEET AND PROTECTIVE HE IS TO HIS QUEEN (TAMA, YES) and GINTOKI— YES, I JUST REALLY CRIED WHEN HE CALLED THE KING HIS BRO. UGHHHHH MAN, I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS MAN. HE IS TOO PRECIOUS TO BE FORGOTTEN ;;;;

before i leave, let's not forget how he acted like a good guardian he is to our two children:

im too soft for him, halp

**Author's Note:**

> Nevermind being shameless, my soul is seriously sobbing at this creation. 
> 
> (Please don't take this seriously, though— and feel free to take any thoughts from here! I'd really appreciate knowing that it jogs you an idea!)


End file.
